I won't tell you that I'm innocent
Life dealt the hand and I got played
I was just trying to make a difference
But I never had a chance.

When I signed on with Doctor Wretched
I thought I'd finally found a way
Like when the awkward kid with acne
Gets invited to the dance.

It all started out so promising
We all stormed in, our guns ablaze
But I ended up in traction
In prison in France.

Because the thing we didn't count on
Was a man whose eyes shot laser rays
And somehow we got our asses kicked
By a girl who controls ants.

I should have taken that job in Reno.
I should have closed my mouth.
I should have known this operation
Would eventually go South.

When you've got no super powers
You've got no chance to win
All there is to do is run
Man it's hard out here.
It's hard out here for a Henchman.

I got picked up by Mesmerizo
That lasted six or seven days
He got brought down by a Panda
And a guy with fire for hands

When I got out Red Lamp was hiring
He needed soldiers for his Fray
But then a team of ninja werewolves
Put the kibosh on that plan

I should have taken that job in Reno.
I should have closed my mouth.
I should have known this operation
Would eventually go South.

When you've got no super powers
You've got no chance to win
All there is to do is run
Man it's hard out here.
It's hard out here for a Henchman.

Some things you do for money
Some things you do out of fear
I'm all out of illusions
Just give me somebody whose checks clear

All the heroes and the villains
can fight another day
But all of us who are dead or caught
Aren't getting paid.

So now you know my story
I didn't alter any names
That's because no one is innocent
there's blood on all our hands

But nobody's past redemption
If you grant my parole today
I'll probably work for Doc Impossible
I mean... I'll become a much, much better man.

I'm gonna take that job in Reno
I'm gonna shut my mouth
Because I think his operation
Might actually pan out.

All the heroes and the villains
Will fight another day
And I'm gonna tag along.
I'll always be a henchman